What If Resistance Wasn't the Enemy?

Part 1 of 3: The Resistance Series

I don't remember if I was five, six, or seven.

The truth is, it began before I even knew to name it.

Sitting at the dinner table. Something alive in me, wanting to speak.

And then—that feeling.

The one that lives in your throat before words can form. The weight that settles in your chest like a stone. That quiet knowing that says: Don't. You're too much. Not safe.

So I swallowed it.

Pushed it down into the place where good girls keep their big feelings and bigger ideas.

Growing up in a military family, this wasn't just a suggestion—it was survival code. You didn't question. You didn't challenge. You learned to make yourself small enough to fit the container you were given.

And here's the thing about patterns:

They don't just live in your childhood.

They follow you into every room you'll ever enter.

When Resistance Follows You Home

That little girl who learned to swallow her words?

She grew up.

Worked with UN Ambassadors. Took stages internationally. Built something real.

But the pattern? Still there.

Just wearing different clothes now.

I'd be on an enrollment call, about to name my pricing—the number that reflected the depth of transformation I facilitate, the decades of study, the lineage I carry—and suddenly hear myself offering a discount.

"Well, given your situation..."

Girl. The VALUE was there. The medicine was REAL. But my nervous system was still negotiating my worth like I was at a yard sale.

Finger hovering. Heart hammering. Throat closing.

The same sensation from that dinner table, just decades later.

Maybe you know this flavor of Resistance:

The one that tastes like productivity but leaves you starving.

I cleaned floorboards instead of writing. Reorganized my entire office instead of recording that video or writing the follow-up email. Took another certification instead of claiming I already knew enough and WAS enough.

Because here's MY Resistance's favorite trick (and maybe yours knows it too):

Resistance disguised as productivity.

Action for action's sake instead of empowered choice. Working harder instead of working smarter. Doing these three other things first instead of the one thing that would actually move the needle.

It's the difference between busy and building.

Between performing productivity and creating impact.

And maybe—just maybe—you've caught yourself there too:

Writing the caption but never posting it. Recording the video then deleting it before anyone sees. Lowering your prices to make someone else comfortable. Working harder instead of working smarter.

Take a breath if any of that just landed in your body.

The Lies We've Been Fed

Let me guess what you've already tried:

"Push through it."

"Feel the Fear and do it anyway."

"Just take massive action!"

"If you really wanted it, you'd make it happen."

"Successful people don't let Resistance stop them."

"Stop making excuses and start making moves."

Cool cool cool.

And I'm guessing if it was working, you wouldn't be here.

Because here's what nobody mentions when they're shouting these mantras from their highlight reel:

When you're constantly forcing yourself forward, you're not building a sustainable business. You're building a breakdown.

You're teaching your body that visibility equals threat.

That your truth needs to be wrestled into submission.

That the signals your nervous system sends are character flaws instead of information.

So what if—dare I say it—there's actually another way?

What if Resistance isn't the enemy you've been taught to fight?

What if it's information your body has been trying to give you all along?

What If We've Been Asking The Wrong Question?

We keep asking: How do I overcome Resistance?

But what if the real question is: What is my Resistance actually trying to tell me?

Not what the books say. Not what your business coach insists.

What is YOUR Resistance—in YOUR body, in YOUR business—actually here for?

Because Resistance isn't one-size-fits-all.

For some women, it's a protector that learned being seen meant dAnger.

For others, it's a truth-teller pointing toward misalignment.

Sometimes it's grief about what you'll leave behind if you move forward.

Sometimes it's wisdom saying you need more support before you expand.

And sometimes? It's just old patterning that hasn't caught up to who you're becoming.

You don't need to figure out what Resistance "should" be.

You need to stop fighting it long enough to hear what it's actually saying.

Let's Play: Meet Your Resistance

This is where it gets fun.

Not "overcome your Resistance" fun.

Not "push through it" fun.

Actually fun.

This is the practice that changed everything for me—and it's backed by neuroscience (more on that in a second, for my science-loving sisters).

Here's what you're going to do:

Imagine your Resistance stepped outside your body and took physical form.

Not as a metaphor. Actually picture it. Give it LIFE.

What does it look like?

Big? Small? Fluffy? Scaly? What color is it?

Does it have features—horns, tentacles, fur, wings?

Mine is this big, red, fluffy monster with little horns. Almost cute. Except for the snail trail it leaves behind—thick, sticky, like quicksand pulling me backward with every step.

How does it move?

Slow and dragging? Quick and jittery? Does it float? Stomp? Slither?

Mine moves like it's wading through molasses. Every. Single. Step. Costs. Everything.

What music does it listen to?

My community says things like Tool. Metallica. Something heavy and grinding that matches that relentless pull.

Mine probably listens to brooding soundtracks on repeat. The kind that keep you stuck in the same emotional loop.

What does it eat?

Comfort food? Your dreams? Nothing at all?

And here's where it gets interesting: What does it SAY?

"You're not ready yet."

"Who do you think you are?"

"What if they see you and decide you're too much?"

"Just wait a little longer. Then it'll be safe."

Mine? It whispers things like: Your needs are an inconvenience. Don't ask for too much. Just make it easier for everyone else.

And here's what's wild about that specific message—because I know some of you just felt that land in your body:

That's not actually about being "nice" or "considerate."

That's the voice of a woman who learned her fullness was a burden.

Who learned to make herself smaller so others could stay comfortable.

Who learned that her desires, her boundaries, her NEEDS were somehow selfish.

It's the too-much wound wearing a productivity costume.

And when I can SEE it as a character saying these things—instead of just believing them as truth—everything shifts.

The Sexy Science Behind This

Okay, for my evidence-based sisters who need the receipts:

Personification creates what psychologists call "psychological distance."

When you externalize an emotion—give it form, character, voice—your brain processes it differently. Instead of "I AM resistant," it becomes "Resistance is HERE." That shift activates your prefrontal cortex (executive function, choice) instead of keeping you in amygdala hijack (fight-flight-freeze).

Studies in the Journal of Experimental Psychology found that self-distancing techniques like personification reduced emotional reactivity by up to 50%.

Translation: Your brain literally rewires when you stop fighting and start witnessing.

So here's the practice:

Notice what's here. Feel where it lives in your body. Name the sensations.

Give it form. Let it become something you can see, hear, understand.

Get curious. What is this part trying to communicate? What does it need?

Your Turn: Three Questions to Start

Here's what I want you to do right now:

1. What does your Resistance look like?

Get specific. Get playful. Get weird with it. Give it form, color, personality. Maybe even a name.

2. Where do you feel it in your body right now?

Your chest? Throat? Belly? Shoulders? What sensations are there—heavy, tight, buzzing, numb?

3. If it could speak, what would it say to you?

Write down the first thing that comes. Don't edit. Don't make it pretty. Just let it speak.

That's it.

Three questions.

Don't try to change it. Don't try to fix it. Don't try to push it away.

Just meet it. See it. Acknowledge that it's here.

Because here's the truth:

Nothing cuts faster through Fear, Resistance, or anxiety than taking empowered action.

And the first empowered action?

Seeing Resistance for what it actually is.

Not the enemy.

Not a character flaw.

But information. Medicine. A part of you that's been trying to protect you all along.

What Actually Shifts

You hit publish.

Not after 45 minutes of staring. Not after rewriting it seven times.

You write it, you see Resistance sitting there whispering its concerns, you acknowledge it—and you post anyway.

One client said: "I used to white-knuckle everything. Now I just check in, say 'I see you,' and move. The Fear is still there sometimes. But I'm not at war with myself anymore."

Your pricing stays put.

No more automatic discounts. No more making yourself smaller to make someone comfortable.

You name your worth. You hold it. You let people choose.

You rest without the guilt spiral.

The fake-productivity Resistance? The one that has you reorganizing drawers instead of taking a nap?

You see it for what it is. And you choose the nap.

You show up as YOURSELF.

Not the palatable version. Not the one edited for maximum likability.

The one with edges. With opinions. With medicine that might make some people uncomfortable.

Because you've learned the difference between Resistance that's protecting you from harm and Resistance that's protecting you from being "too much"—a wound that was never yours to carry.

This is visibility from sovereignty.

Where you're not abandoning yourself to be seen.

Where safety comes from being WITH all your parts, not at war with them.

This is what I mean when I say visibility starts with safety.

The safety of showing up whole. Of including the scared parts AND the powerful ones. Of choosing from groundedness instead of force.

Your Resistance has been waiting to be heard. Let's finally listen.

See you in the work,

Des 💃🏽

P.S. - If this landed and you want to go deeper, join me inside the [Visibility Sandbox membership] where we explore this work together—because visibility that lasts is built in community, not isolation. 

Members, check out the exclusive deeper dive resource ‘Make Resistance Fun- Checklist’ waiting for you inside the Sandbox