What If Your Resistance Is Actually the Patriarchy?

Part 2 of 3: The Resistance Series

I was on my hands and knees scrubbing the floorboards.

Not because they were dirty.

Because I was terrified.

There was an email sitting in my drafts. An opportunity that could bring five new clients into my business. The kind of opportunity I'd been "manifesting" and "calling in" for months.

And instead of hitting send?

I was deep-cleaning baseboards that literally nobody would ever notice.

Busy. Productive. Useful.

And completely, utterly full of shit.

The Lie Resistance Tells (And Why We Believe It)

Here's what I finally figured out:

I was afraid of both. Failure AND success.

Because failure meant I was right—I'm not good enough.

And success? Success meant I couldn't hide behind "I'm still figuring it out" anymore. I'd have to actually BE the woman I kept saying I was becoming.

My Resistance had the perfect disguise: Action.

Not aligned action. Just... motion. Action for action's sake.

Clean the floorboards. Reorganize the office. Take another certification. Perfect the website. Research one more strategy.

Never actually arrive.

Because for me? Arriving—actually succeeding, actually claiming my power, actually disrupting the system—felt dAngerous.

So my Resistance kept me in motion without meaning.

And it did it by speaking the language I'd been conditioned to obey:

"You're not ready yet." "Just do a little more first." "Prove yourself worthy." "Work harder. Then you'll be enough."

Nice try, patriarchy.

We see you now.

Here's What Blew My Mind

Ready for the plot twist?

Sometimes Resistance isn't just protecting you from the system.

Sometimes it's wearing the system like a disguise.

Here's what I mean:

Resistance shows up telling you NOT to send that email. NOT to take the break. NOT to listen to your intuition.

Then it flips and tells you what you SHOULD do instead:

"You should prepare more first." "You're not ready for that yet." "Just do these three other things and THEN you can rest."

And suddenly you've worked all day—emails sent, tasks completed, boxes checked—and somehow nothing that actually mattered got done.

Or you feel this low-grade resentment because you gave everyone else what they needed but ignored what YOUR body was asking for.

No judgment here.

We live in a world that has taught us our worth equals our output. That busy equals valuable. That good girls are easy and accommodating.

So no wonder my Resistance learned to keep me obedient.

It learned to speak the language of the system. To keep me small and easy and productive in ways that looked good but didn't actually serve me.

And now? Even when I'm consciously trying to break free, build differently, disrupt the playbook—Resistance can still pull me right back in.

And that's okay.

Give yourself grace here. You're human. You're undoing generations of conditioning.

Of course it's not linear.

And the wildest part?

It feels like you're being "responsible." Like you're being a "good entrepreneur." Taking "aligned action."

But here's what I started noticing:

I wasn't falling back into laziness.

I was falling back into the system I was trying to escape.

The one that taught me my worth equals my output. That busy equals valuable. That I have to prove myself worthy before I can claim my space.

My Resistance was wearing productivity like a disguise.

And maybe yours does too.

Getting Curious With Your Resistance

Remember in Part 1: What If Resistance Wasn't the Enemy? when you gave your Resistance a form, a voice, a personality?

Now we're going to have an actual conversation with it.

Not to fix it. Not to overcome it.

To understand what it's actually trying to tell you.

Think of this like a blind date with a part of yourself you've been avoiding.

You're going to sit down, get curious, and ask some questions:

"Hey Resistance, what are you trying to tell me?"

Listen. Write down whatever comes. Don't edit.

"If you could tell me one thing I need to hear right now, what would it be?"

Again, just let it speak. Maybe even talk back to it. Have a conversation.

"What are you afraid will happen if I move forward anyway?"

This one might surprise you.

Here's what's happening when you do this:

You're creating psychological distance.

Instead of "I AM resistant" (which feels like a character flaw), it becomes "Resistance is HERE" (which is something you can observe, understand, and choose how to respond to).

You're not consumed by it anymore.

You're in relationship with it.

And from that place of relationship—where you can see it as a character sitting across from you instead of a force taking you over—you get your power back.

You can acknowledge it. Listen to what it needs to say. Thank it for trying to help.

And then gently, firmly, choose differently anyway.

When The Revolution Gets Real

Here's what shifts when you stop obeying the system's rules:

You stop spinning.

The fake productivity loses its grip. You can see when you're reorganizing your desk for the third time instead of making the phone call. When you're "researching" instead of deciding. When you're in motion but not moving forward.

And you can pause. Laugh at yourself a little (because honestly, the floorboards?). Redirect. Choose the thing that actually matters.

You stop proving.

That voice that says "work harder, be more, you're not enough yet"? You start recognizing it for what it is: the patriarchy's greatest hits playing on repeat.

And instead of negotiating your worth with a system that was never designed to value you? You just... name your price. Hold your boundary. Take up space. Without the explanation. Without the apology.

Wild, I know.

You start disrupting.

Not recklessly. Not performing rebellion for the algorithm.

But intentionally. Quietly. Powerfully.

You break the rules that aren't yours. You rest on a Tuesday afternoon without guilt. You charge what you're worth. You say no without softening it. You claim your space and let other people deal with their discomfort about it.

Because their comfort was never your responsibility anyway.

And yes—Resistance still shows up.

But now you can ask: Is this mine? Or is this the system trying to pull me back?

And then you get to choose.

Ready to Go Deeper?

This work—spotting when Resistance is wearing the system's disguise, creating relationship instead of battle, choosing sovereignty over conditioning—this is the foundation of everything I teach in the Visibility Sandbox.

Inside the membership, you'll find:

Your Resistance Revealed Checklist - The complete personification practice from Part 1

The Resistance Revealer - A deeper worksheet that helps you identify where you're still operating from the patriarchal playbook, what "productivity" actually means for you vs. what the system taught you, and how to choose differently

Plus ongoing support from a community of women doing this deprogramming work together

Because here's the truth:

Your Resistance isn't the enemy.

But the system it learned to obey? The one that taught you to stay small, stay busy, stay "not quite ready yet"?

That system isn't serving you.

And you don't have to keep following its rules.

[Join the Visibility Sandbox Here]

You get to choose differently.

You get to disrupt.

You get to arrive.

See you in the revolution,

Des 💃🏽

P.S. - The Resistance Revealed Checklist and The Resistance Revealer are exclusively available to Visibility Sandbox members. This isn't surface-level work—it's deprogramming. And it's most powerful when done in community.